It’s not unusual to believe that setting and reaching goals is the key to success and happiness. After all, when we reach a goal, we often feel a rush of pride, relief, or even joy. We celebrate, we share the win, and for a moment everything feels right.
But what about when you don’t reach the goal?
What happens when the deadline passes, the number falls short, or the opportunity slips by?
Too often, we tie our sense of worth and fulfillment to future-focused outcomes we can’t fully control. This can leave us vulnerable to discouragement and disappointment.
Just to be clear, this is not an argument against setting goals. Absolutely not.
We’re not suggesting you give up on goals. Rather, we invite you to notice how goal setting can sometimes become a fierce game of fetch, where we’re so fixated on the outcome that we forget to clarify our deeper intentions. When we treat intentions as precursors to goals, we create space for a more grounded, resilient, and fulfilling kind of growth.
The Arrival Fallacy
Psychologist Tal Ben Shahar coined the term “arrival fallacy” to describe the illusion that we will be happy when we achieve a particular goal. You have likely experienced it. You run the race, ride the wave of victory, and then feel an unexpected crash.
Now what?
You reached the finish line, but the feeling did not last. This is the cost of attaching our happiness and identity to future-focused outcomes.
Goals and Intentions
Goals are focused on the future. They tell us what we want to achieve:
- Become the director of my department in the next two years
- Reach $10,000 in sales this month
However, goals depend on variables outside our control. We can influence them through effort and strategy, but we can’t guarantee them.
Intentions, in contrast, are fully within our control. They guide how we want to show up, regardless of the outcome.
Intentions reflect our choices in mindset, energy, actions, and presence.
Why Goals Are Not Always in Our Hands
Even with the best strategies and work ethic, not every goal is attainable.
Some of the reasons include:
- External Decisions
You might be ready for the next role, but someone else still has to make the call. Promotions, partnerships, and approvals often depend on timing and judgment beyond your control. - Market or Industry Conditions
A carefully planned sales goal can be disrupted by economic shifts, changing customer needs, or unexpected competition. - Unexpected Life Events
Health challenges, family responsibilities, or personal crises can interrupt even the most focused plans. These moments do not reflect failure. They reflect life.
Progress Over Perfection
Imagine your goal is to reach $10,000 in sales this month. That number is not fully in your control. But your daily actions are.
You can:
• Increase the number of conversations you have with potential clients
• Improve how you communicate your value
• Adjust your strategy based on what you are learning
The same applies to professional milestones. Let’s assume your goal is to become the director of your department. That decision is not fully within your control. It could depend on budget constraints, organizational restructuring, or timing that simply is not right yet.
But how you want to show up each day is completely within your control. You might set an intention to lead with clarity and remain calm under pressure, or to build credibility by being someone others can count on through your actions and follow-through.
How Mentors Can Shift the Focus
Mentors play a significant role in helping us shape our intentions. They help us see that the outcome is not the most important aspect of a goal. Progress is. What matters is that we grow and expand in the process of working toward our goals.
Effective mentors use these three questions to establish intentions:
- What is going well for you in your life?
Builds awareness of current strengths and what is already working. - Where in your life can you make progress?
Encourages growth and improvement without attaching to a fixed outcome. - Who are you becoming?
Helps shift the focus from where we want to get to how we want to live and lead.
This approach moves the conversation away from chasing a single result toward building sustainable practices and habits that align with long-term development.
Intentions keep us aligned with who we are becoming, not just what we are trying to achieve. Mentors can help us stay present, on track with our personal and professional growth, and be there to celebrate the milestones along the way.
Want to Learn More?
Ronnalee McSweeney, an employee retention specialist, has been designing and delivering mentoring programs for nearly two decades. She helps organizations build mentoring cultures that align with their strategic goals through one-on-one programs, group mentoring, and peer networks.
Curious about how mentoring could support your team’s development and long-term success? We’d be glad to start the conversation.